“My son/daughter is stubborn, never listens to me…” This is a common complaint we often hear from parents, especially those who are parenting teenagers. The daily interaction between parents and children is a continuous negotiation where parents try to make their children do certain things and children either obey or oppose in certain ways. While it is normal that children will not follow you every time, some parents become very concerned when their children demonstrate rude behavior or high disobedience. In this blog, we will share some best parenting tips on how to talk to children so that you can easily make them understand your point.
The Nature of Children
Let’s start with the understanding that there is a difference between children and adults. Adults say or do things after thinking and with an intention. But children are playful by nature, they do whatever pleases them, and not listening or not paying attention is part of it. So, whenever they are behaving in a way you don’t want, before scolding them or feeling disappointed and frustrated, remind yourself that they are children and they are behaving normally. But how you react will determine their behavior in future as well as the parent-child relationship.
Tips to Make Your Child Listen
Talking to adults and talking to children is very different. So, you need to understand how to talk to children so that they can understand and listen to you.
Have Patience, Don’t Get Angry
Parents often get angry and talk loudly and forcefully to their children. After several repetitions of this, children get used to it. Over time the difference between speaking normally and shouting gets blurred for them. Also, when children do something wrong, parents scold them. This makes children stubborn and they don’t listen to us at all. Scolding or always finding fault in children is not good. Instead, if you can connect with children with love and smile, and try to explain something by sitting with them, then children will listen to you. This also builds a healthy relationship between parents and children.
Proceed With Love and Compassion
The best way of parenting is whenever you talk, first, calm your mind and then connect with your children with compassion. You will see very good results. Sometimes parents give children many instructions at once, and their young minds struggle to grasp it all. Which results in not following those instructions or doing the opposite. So, if you have to give many instructions, give them one by one while explaining each one. It should not be a rapid-fire, but rather a caring guidance.
Be Friendly With Them
Sometimes it happens that a parent is giving an instruction or explaining something while busy with something else like working in the kitchen, cleaning the house, talking to a friend, or busy with any other work. Similarly, if children are watching TV, reading, playing, or doing any other work while you are saying something, their attention is not at all on your words, and then they do not understand a thing. So, whenever you have to talk to children, first sit with them, make eye contact, smile at them, and show them love so that they feel that this time we are together. When this happens, children will be interested in talking to you.
Give Them Options to Choose
Refusal from children often triggers anger and disappointment in us. Here is a parenting tip on how to make them do things without being refused. Instead of giving them a close-ended instruction you can try options. For example, if your child is watching TV and you want to send him/her to study. What we usually do is give him/her a direct command to turn off the TV and go to study. But they may not comply because they are enjoying watching TV. So, at that time, you can give two options to them, like
`“You can watch for another 10 minutes or 15 minutes, what will you choose?”
The child will choose 15 minutes. He will feel that he has watched more. After 15 minutes, come back and ask him to study now. And here comes the surprise,
“No, Mom, I want to watch more.”
Instead of losing your cool, ask him/her, “For how long?” There is a little pressure on the child now because he/she knows the time requested by him/her is exhausted and he/she needs to keep his/her end of the bargain, which is studying. He/she can request for 10 minutes more. After that, you will see that the child has turned off the TV or will turn it off at your request because now he has chosen to study.
A Few Final Words
The crux of this article is to try to understand the children and explain to them according to their level of understanding and their ways. Being too strict or scolding unnecessarily creates a distance between you and the child, and ultimately damages the relationship between parents and child. Whereas, explaining with love and patience strengthens the connection and the child listens to and obeys you. Remember, parenting is not a talent; it’s a skill that improves with practice.
However, it’s not the children’s fault. Children are playful by nature, and it’s their nature not to listen to anyone and not pay attention. They just enjoy themselves. Parents often complain that their children don’t listen to them, especially since it is quite common while parenting teenagers. Children sometimes talk calmly and sometimes try to explain things in anger, but the children don’t pay attention to them. So, it is natural for parents to feel disappointed and frustrated. However, it’s not the children’s fault. Children are playful by nature, and it’s their nature not to listen to anyone and not pay attention. They just enjoy themselves. So, scolding, shouting, and getting angry with them is completely wrong. Talking to adults and talking to children is very different. So, you need to understand how to talk to children so that they can understand and listen to you. In this article, we will share some best parenting tips on how to talk to children so that you can easily make them understand your point.
Sometimes parents talk very loudly and forcefully to their children, and they often get angry. So, children get used to the habit that parents always talk like this. There is no difference between speaking normally and shouting. So, many times it is heard that children have become very stubborn and don’t listen to us at all. Sometimes when children do something wrong, parents scold them. These affect the relationship between parent and child in a very negative way, so both these situations are not right. That is, scolding or finding fault with children is not good. No one likes it. Instead, if you connect with children with love and smile, and try to explain something by sitting with them, then children will listen to you. This also builds a healthy relationship between parents and children. Because if you are shouting or scolding, then children feel a sense of negativity inside them, and because of this, sometimes they become silent because they don’t understand what you are saying, or sometimes they start behaving the opposite.
So, these things are not right. The best parenting tip here is whenever you talk, first, calm your mind and then connect with the children with love and smile and talk. You will see very good results. Sometimes parents give children many instructions at once, and they are so young that they cannot understand many instructions at once. Then they don’t follow them. So, if you have to give many instructions, give them one by one and explain another one when they understand the earlier one. Then come to the next one, This will make them understand better. And if you tell random things, children will not understand them at all.
So, how will they follow it? And you will feel that the children don’t listen to you. So, keep this in mind. Sometimes it happens that when a parent is giving an instruction or explaining something, they are busy with something else like working in the kitchen, cleaning the house, talking to a friend, or busy with any other work, and in between, they give an instruction. Similarly, if children are watching TV, reading, playing, or doing any other work, and you go and say something, their attention is not at all on your words, and then they do not understand that thing. So, whenever you have to talk to children, first sit with them, and give your full attention to them.
When you do this, the children will listen to you. Remove any kind of distraction and talk directly to the children. So, go to the children, sit with them, make eye contact, smile at them, and show them love so that they feel that this time we are together. When this happens, children will be interested in talking to you. Just remember that the sentences you are explaining should be simple, not complicated. Children often don’t refuse anything, so for what you want them to do, give them two options and let them choose what they like. This way, you won’t have to refuse and the children will also agree with you. For example, if a child is watching TV and you want to send him to study, if you tell him to turn off the TV and study, he will refuse because he is enjoying watching TV. So, at that time, you can give the children two options, like you can watch for 10 minutes or 15 minutes, and the child will choose 15 minutes. He will feel that he has watched more. After 15 minutes, come back and ask him to study now.
If the child gets up at that time, it’s okay, but he may say again, “No, Mom, I want to watch more.” Then you can ask him, “How long will you go after 10 minutes and 15 minutes?” There is a little pressure on the child to study somewhere, and he will have to get up, so he can again say, “After 10 minutes, you come.” Then you will see that the child has turned off the TV or will turn it off at your request because now he has chosen to study.
In this way, children listen to you and you don’t have to get angry. Just parents have to be patient and control their anger. If you use this method, children will listen to you. Even after doing all this, sometimes children don’t listen and you get angry. You scold them, and then later you feel guilty. So, don’t think like this. Every person has a limit to their patience. So, if this happens, explain to yourself that next time you won’t get angry or scolded, but you will try to explain by following these tips. Then the children will listen to you and feel connected to you. The crux of this article is to try to understand the children and explain to them according to their understanding and their ways. Being too strict or scolding unnecessarily creates a distance between you and the child, and ultimately damages the relationship between parents and child. Whereas, explaining with love and patience strengthens the connection between you and the child, and the child listens to and obeys you. Remember, parenting is not a talent; it’s a skill that improves with practice.
