When it comes to dealing with pre-teens and teens most of the school counselors agree on one point. That there is a substantial gap between children of this age group and their parents. This is evident from a common incident that happens all the time. Whenever a student of this age group calls upon or reaches the counselor with an issue the counselor often suggests they discuss their problems with their parents. However, most of the time they refuse to do so, and the reasons are listed below:
“…they will get angry”
“…they will scold me”
“…they will blame me for everything”
Because of this trust issue parents, their friends, and Google become their closest advisors. Needless to mention this distance between parents and their children is a gloomy situation. Children asking their issues from the outside world instead of discussing them with you is a nightmarish situation you want to avoid.
In this blog, I will discuss how to avoid this situation and will share some battle-tested parenting tips for parents.
Where the Problem Starts
When a child comes into your life, you spend all your time fulfilling the wishes of your child in the process of raising them.
Where does the problem start?
The problem starts when your expectations become dominant and you think that you will make your child like this or that, and that becomes a fixed model in your mind. Similarly, when someone compares your children with someone else, or you start comparing them with someone else – these are the precursors of the problem.
We often forget that our child is not a product of competition. Comparing him/her with his/her friends, cousins, or, even, unrelated people will only put unnecessary pressure on your child. You may have dreams with your child but you have to accept that pressurizing him/her will only increase the gap in between.
We want them to always be number one. Not only in studies, but also in performance, activities, behaving well, listening to us, and following family traditions. But we often fail to understand that children are also expecting something from us. They want support from you. Children are the way they are and you have to accept them the way they are. Once that is done they will feel connected to you. Children who do not feel connected to their parents, sometimes feel very lonely throughout their life. You must have seen that many adults and very grown-up people also sometimes feel very lonely. The main reason for this is that their connection with their parents is not as strong as it should be.
What Needs to Be Done
Understanding is the key. Understanding means that you first accept them as they are, their skills, potentials, their behavior, everything, and what they like and dislike. First, take them completely and then motivate them to become good. But not like someone else, but the way they are. Try and the day you try this, you will see that your children will want to tell everything to you only. They will not want to go anywhere else.
What are the expectations of children? They want the entire focus of the parents to be on them. Love them unconditionally, listen to them, understand them, and support them when needed. The role of parents is that of a guide. You have to keep the children in the right direction, but it is not that you have to change them. Understand that children, do not have expectations beyond their skills, their intelligence level, or their potential. Not every child can become an engineer. Do not send him to Kota forcibly. Try to understand whether he likes it or not, whether he likes it or not, whether he will be able to do it or not. Love your children unconditionally, this is what they want from you.
If you understand them completely, listen to them, stay with them, give them time, and support them in every situation, then the children will not go away from you. If any issue comes into their life, they will sit and discuss it with you. So, parents, you have brought children into this world so that you become their guide, support them, love them, and stay with them in happiness. This is the purpose of a complete family. Do not destroy the essence of this family by comparing it with your competitive world. This is your world, stay with it, it does not need any competition with the outside world. Compete with yourself, and become a better version of yourself, that is needed.
So the crux of this article is that parents should understand their children and stay with them, keep motivating them, be a guide, and try to get the children to go to you for every kind of issue. Do not go to the outside world. So see you in the next article with a new topic. Till then like and share this article and comment on it to let us know how you liked it.
