Certain life events such as not getting selected in a job interview, not getting into a big college, breaking up a relationship, or being overlooked when you meet someone can make you feel rejected. These are big incidents; however, rejections don’t always happen only because of big things.
Sometimes small incidents like someone not liking your picture on social media, not replying to a message, or not holding a seat for you after arriving at an event can also turn you off. Similarly, you feel rejected when you went well dressed to a function but no one took notice of you there or you cooked delicious food for the family but they did not like it. Many such incidents keep happening in our daily routine. And such things have a profound effect on our lives.
Rejection hurts. It carries a lot of pain but it is impossible to avoid it to happen.
Rejection leads to many problems such as-
- Sense of insecurities,
- lack of concentration;
- increased levels of stress,
- irritability and aggression;
- inability to sleep
- control over one’s emotions
- a gradual withdrawal from society etc.
These feelings have a deep impact on life. We feel lonely, excluded and unwanted. In fact, the hurt we endure is not the harm itself, but the cruel way we suppress ourselves from our experience. Studies show that our response to rejection is based on events from our past.
It is therefore extremely important that the feeling of rejection should be handled in a more mature manner.
It is observed that not everyone copes with rejection in the same way. Studies show that people with a higher sense of self-worth handle rejection better than those with lower self-worth.
People who highly value a sense of individuality experience rejection less painfully than those whose need to be part of a group is stronger.
Similarly, self-confident people are able to use rejection to improve themselves and be more creative.
So, people should work towards developing themselves to become self-confident and self-respecting. Lucky people are naturally gifted with this quality, but others can develop themselves using certain techniques and mindsets.
Ways to deal with rejections
The better you are at dealing with rejection, the less will it affect you. This is why learning how to deal with rejection is so important.
There are many ways to learn to deal with rejection. These include psychological techniques. It consists of reflecting on our past, enhancing our self-understanding and then coping with the present conflict. Along with this, it includes strengthening your self-reliance in facing the future.
Having qualities such as high self-esteem and self-confidence can help you handle various situations in life more effectively. At the same time, you will lead either a stress-free or least stressed life.
Here we highlight some of the most powerful personal strategies for how to deal with rejection.
1 You should be honest with your feelings-
When you face rejection, understand your feelings well and accept them. Notice how intense your feelings are. Did the rejection bother you a lot? Or just a little?
Cry if you want – it’s a natural way to release emotions.
Don’t pretend that you don’t have any pain. If you have pain, think that it is normal. Be honest with your feelings.
Whatever happened to you, you can also talk to someone about it. Telling someone else can help you ease your problem and you will feel lighter.
Give full acceptance of your feelings, even if you are not talking to anyone.
2 Feel positive in all situations-
When you’re dealing with a painful feeling like rejection, it’s natural to get caught up in the bad feeling. It is natural to wonder what caused an incident, but it’s not okay to be too hard on yourself. Because negative feeling not only hurts but makes it harder to get over.
This is a destructive negative thought process that often hurts us in life and in relationships. Such destructive thoughts often strike us when we are most vulnerable due to rejection.
There is a voice inside us that says “See? I told you this wouldn’t work. No one would ever like you. You’ll never get what you want.”
It means that this inner voice is our enemy. It is not your friend because it does not allow you to adapt to real change. This continues to create self-destructive thinking that limits your ability to take the right action.
So, the first thing to do to stop having negative thoughts is by accepting the event from the right perspective.
And when you start looking at the event in the right context, you will find that in many incidents there was no such negation at all. For example, when you don’t get into a college, it’s not that you were rejected, but that your competition had more capable students. You must accept the situation at its face value. In such a situation, you should look for a college that welcomes you with your grades.
Consider how you are interpreting the rejection to yourself. Never say negative words to yourself.
Consider how you are interpreting the rejection. Make sure to analyze the interpretation before saying negative words to you.
Self-blame or low thinking can exaggerate your faults and can lead you to believe things about yourself that are not true.
If you start to blame yourself, you may start to believe that you will always be rejected. Thoughts like “I’ll never get a job” or “I will never be able to maintain a relationship ” escalate a simple rejection to disaster level. Rejection can hurt a lot and can be very frustrating, but it is not the end of the world.
3 Be hopeful
When you face rejection, say to yourself:
“Okay, so this time I got rejected. Maybe next time, it won’t. I don’t like what happened. But never mind I can try again.”
Think about what is good about you. Remember the time when you were accepted. Think about all the people who like and support you.
You tried, so give yourself credit for trying. You took the risk and consider this as your achievement. This experience will come in handy in the next opportunity. Convince ourselves that sometimes things happen for reasons we don’t always understand.
Those who try never get defeated.
4 Develop a growth mindset
Rejection is an opportunity to consider whether there are things you can work on. It’s okay to think about whether there’s room for improvement or whether your goals were greater than your skills.
If your skills weren’t strong enough this time, you might need to work on your skills, your studies, your interview technique, or whatever else you need to do to improve your chances of being accepted next time. be needed. Use rejection as an opportunity for self-improvement.
If you approach it the right way, it can help steer you in the direction that best suits your talents, personality and all the things that make you who you are the best at.
5 Understand your underlying feelings and develop self-compassion-
When we experience rejection and lose something or someone, we are often inclined to admire whatever or who is rejecting us. Jobs start to look better when we do not get them. The relationships that have made us unhappy can start to seem blissful after they end.
This is because we idealize the situation or relationship. At the same time, we feel that we are unworthy. This feeling of unworthiness often has its roots very deep inside us. With this mindset, the hurt caused by rejection is often less because of the rejection, but more because of a fundamentally negative feeling about oneself.
It is very important to accept and feel real feelings, but if we do not come out of that mindset then it starts to make us feel victimized. Being in such a state for long periods of time leads us to get caught up in misery and we do not feel like we have much power. So even if we are feeling hurt and weak, we should try to come out of it.
So, when we understand that emotions are caused more by our core feelings, they can be treated more effectively. For this we must continually embrace the practice of self-compassion, recognizing that it is very different from feeling victimized.
Basically, we should treat ourselves the way we would a friend. We can be sensitive and empathetic to our own struggles. This isn’t about feeling sorry for ourselves or denying our mistakes, but it is about not being judgmental or cruel toward ourselves. Many times a situation seems worse because you react and then “frame it” as a negative about you.
Secondly, the recognition that no one is alone in their struggle, even though it can feel like that at times. All human beings suffer, and most have experienced rejection. Remembering this connection can help us avoid the feeling that we are somehow different or isolated. Many people have been down a similar path, and we should feel hopeful and connected when it comes to our future.
Self-compassion teaches us that we can be a friend with ourselves when we experience rejection. We can be honest about ourselves and the situation while maintaining kindness and understanding.
By practising mindfulness we can learn to practise self-compassion. Mindfulness meditation or breathing exercises can also feel calmer when strong emotions or reactions arise.
Take a deep breath, step back from the situation, and just breathe for a few minutes. Thoughts will start flowing in your mind, which will be mostly negative.
For instance, you may think, “No one will ever love me, I’m unlovable.”
Now you need to reframe these thoughts by thinking differently. Instead of thinking that way, you can reframe it as,
“Relationships are hard for everyone; I’m no different. This was hard for me but I can learn something from it. Let me focus on what I can learn.”
It’s okay to feel upset about rejection. After all, you are human and you have emotional responses. Let yourself feel the pain, cry or pound a pillow, but then put a limit on how long you will mourn the rejection. Literally set a time frame: “I can mourn this until next Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. and then I will let go of it.” Let the emotions roll through you, but don’t let them park and become long-term visitors.
Life is about going for things. And when we do, rejection is always a possibility.
6 Self-confidence is key.
Of course, you know that self-confidence is important, but knowing it’s important and having it are two different things. Many people have grown up in environments where they were told they were worthless or useless. These messages often carry over into adulthood and other relationships. If your self-confidence is flagging, start small to build it back. Make a list every day with at least two or three things you have done well, contributions you have made, or positive things you have done. Write these down and review them before you go to bed each night and again when you get up the next morning. Fill your nighttime and early morning brain with something positive about yourself.
7 Choose counselling option-
If you have followed all options and still do not feel relieved. If you are in great pain or feel overwhelmed by emotions, it is always a strong and wise idea to ask for professional help.
What does rejection teach you?
There are not only disadvantages to rejections, but there are a few hidden advantages to rejections.
When you are rejected by someone or in some situations you have a chance to explore your skills and your passions. These may be your hidden skills that you are not aware of or you are not very serious about them. When you feel hurt, it sometimes takes you to the challenge to prove yourself. It compels you to gather up the resources and develop your skills to the best of your potential. And in that way, you become a better version of yourself. And you come to know about your capability and capacities.
Secondly, at the time of rejection, there are a few people who will help you out to handle the critical situation. They may help you to understand your skills. So in that way you come to know about the good relations as well as the relationship that are not genuine for you. This will help you to know on whom should you fall back in critical conditions.
Thirdly, sometimes due to arrogance and Pride you do not feel gratitude for the things you own. But in the event of rejection, you come to know that the things you were rejecting are most precious to you. Sometimes you come to know about the virtue of family, which is your real wealth. Your pride and arrogance melt away and you become more mature.
You also become stronger to bear unforeseen and unpleasant things in life. so, if you see your rejections in a positive way, you will handle life in a constructive way. when you have the courage to face the rejection, you will never question the life why this is happening to me because you are well prepared to face any kind of situation.