How to deal with past hurt

woman consoling the hurt baby

Synopsis

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it simply means that you are a kind person. Forgiveness makes you a mature person.

We all get hurt by others at some point in our lives. It is rare that no one has experienced any kind of emotional pain. Life can’t always be fair, and it’s not always easy.
When someone does something wrong in a way that matters to us, we want them to apologize. We want them to admit that what they did was wrong. And when they don’t respond that way, we blame them for our hurt.
The problem with blaming others is that it can often leave you powerless. For example, you confront the person, and he says, “No, I did not hurt you,” or worse, “So what? What if I hurt you? ” Or say, ‘Just forget it.
Then you are left with more anger and frustration than before. You do not find a solution to your conflict.
Those who hold on to these sorrows often relieve the pain over and over again. Sometimes a person can also be “stuck” in this pain for a long time. It is not healthy, it increases our stress, and it damages our ability to concentrate, study, and work. It affects every other relationship we have.

In short, we must learn to manage our past hurt in such a way that it neither causes us any pain nor does it ruin our relationships with others.

How do you let go of the hurts of the past and move on? let us find out-

To get over your emotions, first, ask yourself some questions.

1 What am I really feeling right now?

Following are the emotions you may feel.
Anger
Emptiness
Frustration
Inadequacy
Helplessness
Fear
Guilt
Loneliness
Depression
Overwhelmed
Resentment
Failure
Sadness
Jealousy

Tick the emotions you feel. And after that, ask

2 Why am I feeling this way?

Express the pain that hurt you. You can do this by telling the other person directly, or by writing in a magazine, or by writing a letter that you want to convey to the other person. That means you must express yourself in any way. Doing so will help you understand – specifically – why you are feeling this way.

3 Is this emotion justified?

We do not live in a world of black and white people, even when it sometimes seems like we do. You may not have as much responsibility for the injury you experienced, but there may be a small portion of the injury for which you are partially responsible. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your life, or just a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or are you deeper and more complex than that?
Give importance to the present- When you focus on the now, you have less time to think about the past. When past memories creep into your consciousness as they are bound to do from time to time, acknowledge them for a moment. And then slowly bring yourself back to the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious gesture, such as saying to themselves, “It’s okay. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my happiness.”
Remember, if we fill our minds – and lives – with hurt feelings, there is little room for anything positive. It is a choice you are making to continue to feel hurt rather than a welcome joy back in your life.

4 It feels good to be a victim –

Sometimes people feel relieved in believing themselves as Victims. It is like being on your winning team against the world. However, in reality, this world does not care much about your feelings, so you need to take care of yourself.
Your feelings matter to you, but they are only one part of life.
So, Learn to let go, people treat us badly and hurt us. But we should forgive those who have hurt us. This helps us to get relieved from pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they did.
Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it simply means that you are a kind person.
Forgiveness makes you a mature person. And when you empathize with the other person and try to see things from their point of view, it widens your vision of life.

And it’s important to forgive ourselves, too, because sometimes we can blame ourselves for the situation or the hurt. If you cannot forgive yourself, you will not be able to live in peace and happiness.

5. What advice would I give if someone else is in a similar situation and reacts like me?

The past has passed –

Things in the past simply cannot be changed, so focus on the things that can be improved. You can balance the things you can’t change with the things you can change. You have so many choices in life; Pay attention to them.

Choose between good and bad moments

You have a choice every moment to continue feeling bad about the other person’s actions or to start feeling good about other positive things. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness and not delegate such power to another person.
Why would you give so much of your strength to the person who has hurt you in the past by thinking so much about it?
No past problem has ever cured a relationship problem. They never help but ruin the present. So why indulge in so many thoughts and dedicate so much energy to the person you feel has wronged you?

Create a positive Mantra

You should create a positive mantra which gives you strength at the time of emotional hurt.

For example, instead of saying ‘ Why did this unfortunate thing happen to me?’ Try a positive mantra like, “I am fortunate that I found a new path in life, which is good for me.”

Conclusion

If you find that the above solutions are logical and should be followed, you should follow them. By adopting a positive attitude towards different life situations, you will be able to deal with past hurt effectively.

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